I first began to research catfishing as an idea for my real-world example in my Much Ado About Nothing essay when I stumbled upon the Netflix documentary Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare. It was about a woman named Kirat Assi who went from a successful woman in marketing to unemployed and paranoid due to her online relationship. She used to be someone all of her cousins could come to for advice. Those relatives were initially happy for her when she began to talk to a well-established man in the Punjabi Sikh community in Britain named Bobby Jandu. Kirat described him as a cardiology consultant based between Kenya and the UK. Their friendship was composed of casual conversations until she was informed that Bobby was shot on his most recent trip to Nairobi. Her shock and grief are soon cut short, however, by Bobby contacting Kirat, saying that he is now in witness protection in the US.
Bobby becomes Kirat’s new social life after a breakup. He introduces her to some of his relatives, most notably two men named Yashvir or Yash and Rajvir. It is Rajvir that tells Kirat that Bobby’s poor health has taken a turn for the worse and that he recommends that she send a goodbye message just in case to him. In this message she says, “I love you so much, Bobby. Whatever it is we have, it’s special. I wish things could have been different. If I could just hold you once. I’ll never forget you. I love you, Bobby” (Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare, 22:18-22:39). Kirat is devastated at the news she might lose Bobby, and despite the situation, Bobby has become one of her closest friends through their conversations.
Kirat soon feels better when Bobby begins to recover, though that happiness is short-lived. Bobby admits he is having a child with a woman named Sanj that he was with previously. Kirat says she felt betrayed that he would keep this information from her, but Bobby quickly wins her back by letting her pick out baby clothes. A couple of weeks later she received images of Bobby’s son in those clothes, which brought Kirat joy.
After their connection is successfully reestablished, Bobby becomes more clingy and jealous of the people in her life. Kirat says she was “doing one of my final radio shows of the year, and he’s on the Skype call with me. And I’m answering calls, doing my thing as usual. And he says I’m flirting” (Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare, 45:38-45:51). Rajvir backs Bobby up “So to prove… [she’s] committed, [she’s] loyal… [Kirat] gave up [her] show” (Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare, 46:25-46:28). At this point in time, Kirat and Bobby were constantly talking online during the day and sleeping on call together at night. He is in control of her social life. It gets to the point where Kirat said that her “grandmother, who I’m extremely close to, is sick … but because I was sleeping on the phone with Bobby every night, I couldn’t stay the night with her. My grandmother passes away” (Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare, 47:56-48:25). This loss of her grandmother and lack of compassion from Bobby tanks Kirat’s mental health.
Kirat’s family members notice the shift in her personality, but it’s too late. Kirat’s aunt Jaswant said, “She wasn’t her normal, lively self. She stopped going out as such. It was a total takeover of her life. Everything was totally Bobby” (Sweet Bobby, My Catfish Nightmare, 45:02-45:14). Kirat’s family reflected on why she would put herself through this treatment. When Kirat’s relationship first started out, Jaswant remembered, “The family were really happy for her, but obviously being mid-30 the pressure was on her. ‘So, when are we going to meet him?’ and ‘when are you actually gonna get married’” (Sweet Bobby, My Catfish Nightmare, 33:19-33:30).
One of Kirat’s most major motivations was making her family proud and conforming to her culture, which is why she put so much effort into trying to make things work with Bobby. Her desires for a relationship eventually fall apart as her cousin Simran steps forward and admits she was Bobby.
Bobby said to Kirat that his contract with witness protection was over, so he was coming back to Britain. As time went on, Bobby came up with increasingly weak excuses as to why he could not see Kirat. She grew fed up with this and hired a private investigator to find Bobby. Once Kirat had his location, she confronted him, but Bobby did not know who she was. Kirat returned to her home scared, confused, and angry until Simran stopped by and said “‘it was all me.’ … she says ‘I’m Bobby.’ … But [Kirat couldn’t] quite understand, and [Kirat] was like, calling out names. ‘What about Sanj?’ ‘What about Yash?’ ‘What about Rajvir?’ … she’s like, ‘It’s all me’” (Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare, 1:07:17-1:08:08). The major confession from Simran doesn’t process in Kirat’s mind at first, and she’s left in shock. Her romantic partner of 8 years and all of her online friends were not real.
Kirat acknowledges that Simran using the idea of Bobby effectively destroyed nearly a decade of her life. Work, marriage, and becoming a mother were incredibly important to Kirat, and Simran took that from her with her scam. Everything Kirat had with Bobby was a lie, even the children’s clothes she chose and got a picture of. Kirat says that “those baby photos already existed on the real Bobby’s Facebook page. Somehow [Simran] had reverse-engineered it to lead me to pick these clothes” (Sweet Bobby, My Catfish Nightmare, 1:14:39-1:14:53). Simran’s deception was immensely in-depth; she mimicked the identities of tens of people at once to trick Kirat. She devoted her time to stalking Bobby and Sanj’s life for information that she used to keep Kirat believing in her lies.
Kirat leaves the audience at the end, explaining how she initially began to pick up the pieces of her life after being used for her cousin’s amusement.
The entire time I watched this documentary, I was on the edge of my seat. The nature of the film is a very realistic mystery and thriller comprising interviews and scenes based upon Kirat’s descriptions. The atmosphere was more intimate; you could see the change of emotion in her eyes, the application of her makeup, and hear her voice break in her retelling. I found myself mirroring her reactions of sadness and rage at each turn of the plot.
There weren’t many special effects, which served to make the story more relatable. When Kirat would discuss a message she sent or received, a chat box would appear on the side of the screen for you to read along with her conversation. This detail was just another element that brought the viewers right into the seat next to her, reacting as she does.
When interviewing Kirat’s family members, they were filmed in their homes. The viewer could see living rooms and family photos that established how much of a personal attack this catfishing was. Kirat was destroyed online, yet her family was affected in their homes. The betrayal metaphorically grew roots to disturb each one of their foundations.
Finally, Bobby’s interview was set up with anticipation by showing scenes of him entering the same interviewing room that Kirat was in without showing his face. In one shot he is seen sitting down, moving his arm to the side of the couch, and crossing his leg. I watched on with baited breath as Bobby set up an uncomfortable environment.
I won’t go out and lie by saying this documentary changed the way I view the internet, seeing as I only watched it a few times for a school project. But I will say this, Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare opened my eyes to see that the internet is not just filled with stranger dangers. Anyone, including your own family, can deceive you should you not pay attention and use your critical thinking. The two effects this documentary had on me were an A in my English class and some more caution on how I interact with my friends online.
This is not a documentary that I would necessarily recommend, but I did find it intriguing. If you’re interested in the first major case of catfishing, I would watch Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare.
Work Cited
Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare. Directed by Lyttanya Shannon, Raw TV, Netflix, 2024.